


Come Hell Or High Water

by VoidKnight



Category: Homestuck
Genre: All quadrants used at least once, Bad Puns, Beforus, Beta Trolls - Freeform, Brain Damage, Bubblr, Canon Compliant, Dancestors - Freeform, Definitely Unrequited Love, Derse, Echeladder, F/F, F/M, God Tier, Google-Translate Japanese, Hemospectrum, Low-Key Apocalypse, M/M, Non-graphic suicide, Plot-driven not all romance I swear, Possibly Unrequited Love, Prospit, Psionics, SBURB/SGRUB, Sgrub glitch, Skaia, Speaking directly to the reader, Thanks a lot Meenah, Time Travel, Typing Quirks, Users based off parts of cells like how the Beta kids' are based off DNA, Wizard Cronus Ampora mentions, suicide bombing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-02-24 10:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13211568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoidKnight/pseuds/VoidKnight
Summary: Your name is MEENAH PEIXES. Today you are 6 SWEEPS OLD, which, for convenient reference, is equivalent to about 13 YEARS.YEARS are a measurement of time from a planet called EARTH. EARTH, also for convenient reference, does not yet exist, and it will not for eons. Someday it will be important, mostly because YOU help bring about both its BEGINNING and its END.In the meantime, though, you are YOUNG, SASSY, and convinced you are going to CHANGE THE UNIVERSE.----A rebellious alien princess runs away and is stranded on the moon. There, she finds the code to a video game that will both change everything and not change anything. (You can blame time shenanigans for that paradox.) She sends it to a friend back home-a prophet, a powerful psionic, and the only person who has figured out how to effectively cheat at skateboarding to date. They start a chain of events that cannot be stopped.HIATUS, medical shit came up. I'll be back asap but I have no idea when that'll be.





	1. Come Hell Or High Water

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Void here, with my first AO3 fanfic in one hand and all my notes the other-the end notes have all the references and helpful guides I used to keep this as canon-compliant as possible! (And please be patient with me getting used to AO3! I figured out text color thank you!).
> 
> No certain update schedule yet, but often-less than a month between updates at the very least, most likely once or twice a week.

> Come Hell Or High Water.

 

A girl stands on the moon. She is quietly mourning the recent loss of her past, but also looking excitedly to her future.

 

Who is this girl?

 

> Thief of Life: Introduce yourself.

 

Your name is MEENAH PEIXES. Today you are 6 SWEEPS OLD, which, for convenient reference, is equivalent to about 13 YEARS.

 

YEARS are a measurement of time from a planet called EARTH. EARTH, also for convenient reference, does not yet exist, and it will not for eons. Someday it will be important, mostly because YOU help bring about both its BEGINNING and its END.

 

In the meantime, though, you are YOUNG, SASSY, and convinced you are going to CHANGE THE UNIVERSE. Your INTERESTS are few and far between as not many hobbies live up to your GRAND (or NOT-SO-GRAND, in your honest and unfiltered opinion) STATUS. You do, however, find happiness in CONNING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR MONEY, which you are TERRIFYINGLY PROFICIENT AT for a troll only 6 sweeps old. You also like to EXPLORE THE OCEAN BLUE, or more like ocean black since it is so dark down where you live. But it would be dark even if you were a LANDDWELLER instead of ROYALTY, because like all trolls, you are NOCTURNAL. You also enjoy ONE-UPPING your friends, and do it on a REGULAR BASIS. Your besties have learned to just DEAL WITH IT. They have learned to deal with A LOT OF THINGS.

 

Since there is no CONVENIENT PICTURE OF YOU ABOVE, you guess you’ll have to describe yourself, like a loser. You have GRAY SKIN, ORANGE HORNS, and BLACK HAIR, like all trolls, but UNLIKE MOST TROLLS your hair is VERY, VERY LONG. Although your BEST FRIEND has put it into TWO BRAIDS, it usually TRAILS ON THE FLOOR BEHIND YOU whenever you visit the land. Like ALL SEADWELLERS, you have FINNED EARS and ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY JEWELRY, which you take FULL ADVANTAGE OF with two GOLD BRACELETS, several GOLD BARBELLS for your EYEBROW PIERCINGS, and sometimes a GOLD CHOKER, but you don’t have that on right now. You wear a BLACK T-SHIRT with a PINK “)-(“ PATTERN, BLACK PANTS, PINK SHOES, and PINK GLASSES. Glasses are BADASS and no one can convince you otherwise.

 

As you mentioned, you are ROYALTY, and one of two incredibly rare FUCHSIABLOODS. Subsequently, you are the HEIRESS to the BEFORAN EMPIRE. According to TRADITION, you will one day be RECKLESS enough to challenge the CURRENT BEFORAN EMPRESS to a CULLING MATCH, and if you win you will TAKE HER PLACE. The Empress CULLS all of the LOWER CASTES, which means she caters to their EVERY NEED. At least, that’s what tradition says should happen, but in you say TRADITION CAN GO PAIL ITSELF.

 

You are ABOUT TO EMBARK on a ship that has been ready to sail since the BEGINNING OF TIME. That ship will BEGIN countless worlds and END countless others. And HOWEVER GREAT the things you thought you were destined for were, you HAVE NO IDEA what you are about to sign yourself up for.

 

Your Bubbluser is cuttlefishExecutioner, and youre gonna have fin using fish puns R-E-EL-ENTLESSLY

 

What will you do?

 

> Meenah: Do something adorable.

 

WHAT? NO! Over your dead body! You are the Heiress to the Beforan Empire, and you would rather be subjected to hours of nude musclebeast-portraits than to lower yourself so disgustingly far!

 

You will do something awesome, though. That’s more your style.

 

> Meenah: Do something awesome.

 

Since you are on Beforus’s single moon, there aren’t many awesome things you can do. There is only pink rock for miles in every direction.

 

But you can sure as hell try!

 

You consider a nearby space rock. It’s almost three times your height-a huge, hot pink hunk of stone that’s probably been there since the beginning of time.

 

You grin, step back, and get a running start so you can jump up on to it and look around at your pink surroundings.

 

That was completely pointless, but pretty awesome (at least, it would be with a picture. You’re disliking this whole ‘text only’ thing already.)

 

> Meenah: Wonder what you’re doing on the moon.

 

Well, that’s an easy one. You’re on the moon because you just ran away from your responsibilities-or rather, the Beforan Heiress’s responsibilities. You just happen to be occupying that position. For now. 

 

Now you’re on the moon. You’re not really sure how to leave it, considering your spaceship crashed a while back and you’ve been walking for days, so you aren’t really sure where it is at this point. But at least your gills are able to filter oxygen from the thin atmosphere, so that’s one less thing to worry about.

 

==>

 

And if worst comes to worst, you have your computer with you. (The lower blood castes call it a husktop, but as royalty, you really think you’re above all that). You can get some of your Beforan friends to come find you if you have to. For now, though, you’re really loving the freedom!

 

> Meenah: Explore.

 

Okay, now that you can do. You used to explore the ocean a lot back on Beforus, and you’re pretty much an expert on this whole “adventuring” schtick by now. You glance around at the hills of stone. Where do you want to look first?

 

> Meenah: Look around that big hill.

 

Bigger is always better, especially when you’re talking about hidden secrets, or possibly, hidden ruins. There must’ve been some kind of civilization on this moon at one point, right? Right. You know you’re right. You always are.

 

You show off your sharp shiny teeth in a smile, and bound off into the distance with a vague destination in mind.

 

==>

 

Well, there doesn’t seem to be anything on this side of the hill. You look around a bit anyway, just to be sure.

 

After a few minutes of looking, it becomes clear that there really is nothing on this side of the hill.

 

There might be something on the other side, though.

 

> Meenah: Be absolutely shocked.

 

You decide to go to the other side of the hill, and WOW you are SO ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED.

 

There is the remains of a building on the other side of the hill, half-buried in pink sand and rubble. Nobody would’ve expected that. The building is circular and dark red, reminding you of the lowblooded burgundies that live back on Beforus, the spoiled brats. There is a trapdoor on the top and you immediately decide to go have a look inside.

 

> Meenah: Have a look inside.

 

You take off down the hill. Your smile has grown from a smirk to a grin, and you are excited. You get excited a lot.

 

Pebbles bounce slowly down the hill as your footsteps-much lighter than they would be on Alternia-dislodge them. Some of them hit the metal of the building with an ominous rattling. You jump and land on the roof with a bang.

 

You make your way over to the door. You consider seeing if it will open if you just pull it, but that’s boring. The hinges look weak, and they’re all rusted over.  You lift up your trident and it clangs against the metal with a resounding snap!

 

The trapdoor is knocked off its hinges and in the low gravity, flips over and lands a little ways away. There is a ladder that drops into darkness. Thankfully, you’re used to darkness.

 

> Meenah: Descend.

 

You put your trident away and hurry down the ladder. It takes a second as your eyes-gray, because you’re only 6 and they haven’t filled in fuchsia yet as they will be when you grow up (if you ever grow up)-adjust to the dark. Then you jump down the last few rungs.

 

The room is small and the air is mildewy. It’s full of dust, and there isn’t any furniture. The walls are covered in the code that planned this. Your escape to the moon. Your crash landing. Your discovery of these ruins. Your ability to recognize the code. But you don’t know that, so you mindlessly do as you were always destined to do.

 

==>

 

You pace around the room, grinning, because this is truly an amazing find. Thankfully, you have a friend who knows a tiny bit of coding. Meaning, he knows how to open a program to copy this code down into. You’ll be able to convince him to run it, you’re sure.

 

> Bubble ER.

 

 cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] began bubbling epochRider [ER]

CE: yo  
ER: H3LL0  
CE: so  
ER: GR3371NG5  
CE: uh  
CE: water you tryna do  
ER: C0MP4N10N48L3 S4LU74710N  
CE: whateva  
CE: i need a flounder  
ER: WH47 K1ND  
ER: L1K3 4  
ER: 4  
ER: 4  
ER: 1 D0NT KN0W 4NY FL0UND3R K1ND5  
CE: favor stupid  
ER: 1M 4 L07 0F 7H1NG5 8U7 1M N0T S7UP1D  
ER: Y0U W4NT 4 F4V0R??.???/?/??  
ER: G00D LUCK!!!!1!`1!!!11!!`  
CE: alright fine youre a fuckin genius  
CE: that what you want  
ER: 7H475 N0T G00D 3N0UGH!!1!  
CE: reelly  
ER: 1M 50RRY  
ER: 175 0K  
CE: it fuckin betta be  
CE: anyways  
CE: i got a bit a code i need you to run  
ER: 0K  
ER: 1 D0N7 H4V3 70 WR173 17 D0 1  
CE: no  
ER: G00D  
ER: WH47 1S 17  
CE: ok i need you to copy this perchectly  
ER: 7H47 W45 4 57R37C7H  
CE: shut up  
CE: the author is still getting used to the fish puns ok  
ER: WH47  
CE: what did i just write  
CE: ignore that im on the moon its probably just oxygen deprivation  
ER: 0K  
CE: yeah so  
CE: here you go then  
CE: code

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] stopped bubbling epochRider [ER]

> Meenah: Wait for ER to run the code. 

This room sure is… Small. Very small, actually. You wonder if there’s any holes in the walls to let air in? It doesn’t look like it. You wonder how much oxygen a troll actually needs. 

> Meenah: Leave room. 

You decide it’s time to go back up to the surface, and climb up on out of there very quickly. 

> Meenah: Screech like a dreaming purpleblood and spit on the sand. 

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. That is undignified as hell. What made you think that would ever be a good idea. 

> Answer ER. 

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] began bubbling epochRider [ER]

ER: 0K 175 4 V1D30 G4M3  
CE: it is  
ER: 0BV10U5LY DUM8455  
#175 R1GH7 1N FR0N7HH 0F M3  
CE: well yeah  
CE: ok so  
CE: can you send it to me i guess  
ER: 1 D0N7 KN0WW  
ER: C4N 1  
CE: was that ‘ww’ on porpoise  
CE: cause it gives me weird feelins for some reason 38(  
ER: N0 17 W45N7 0N PUR053  
#D1D 1 G37 7H3 PUN R1GH7H  
ER: 1M 50RRY  
CE: yeah well  
CE: again  
CE: you betta be  
ER: 833??/?//??  
CE: B-E  
CE: not bee  
ER: D:  
CE: shut up  
ER: W3LL FUCK Y0U T00  
CE: anyways send me the game already  
ER: F1N3. ):  
ER: 5GRU8

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] stopped bubbling epochRider [ER]

> Meenah: Receive Sgrub. 

ER sends you a link, and after you click it it immediately starts downloading something on to your computer. That could be useful! You just know some of your friends won’t want to play, so you copy the link into your computer and hope it’ll download itself on theirs, too. 

The game starts loading. 

1%2%3%4%5%6%7%8%9%10%11%12%13% 

You figure this is going to take awhile. 

> Meenah: Bubble LY. 

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] began bubbling loreYearner [LY]

CE: heyy  
LY: Hey, Meenah.  
CE: i got you somefin  
LY: What?  
CE: 5GRU8  
LY: Is that copied from ER?  
CE: maybe  
CE: just look k  
CE: it wont harm a scale i promise  
LY: …All right.  
LY: Meenah.  
LY: Tell me why it is downloading something.  
CE: its just a game 38D  
LY: I’m not going to play.  
CE: aw come on  
CE: why not  
LY: ER’s games are horrendous.  
#and also I’m reading.  
LY: Maybe later.  
CE: that means no right  
CE: 38(

loreYearner [LY] stopped bubbling cuttlefishExecutioner [CE]

CE: come on  
CE: youre just gonna sign off are you  
CE: fin  
#rude

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] stopped bubbling loreYearner [LY]

> Meenah: Open Sgrub. 

It asks you to select a client player. The only other two players online are ER and LY, and since LY is being boring again, you choose ER. 

[And though it’s unbeknownst to you, Meenah-you, the reader, and I, the writer, know that this action was both the beginning and the ending of many eras. It brought about the end of Beforus and its universe, dooming Meenah, Mituna, and all their companions to fates of death and worse. 

It was also the reason you and I are here, because the fate of Beforus allowed the society that created Earth, and in turn Earth itself, to come into existence. 

But you, Meenah, want to just get on with the game.] 

A picture fills half your screen. The other side is taken up by an automatic Bubblr chat. 

==>

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] began bubbling epochRider [ER]

ER: WH4477777  
ER: WH47 D0 Y0U W4N7H  
ER: FUCK 0FF  
CE: can you play the game with me  
ER: N0 1 JU57 541D FUCK 0FF  
#FUCK 0FF L173R4LLY 70 7H3 M00N 4ND 84CK  
CE: yeah so  
CE: youre my client player  
CE: im pretty shore that means i get to move stuff around in your hive  
ER: WH47 7H3 FUCK  
ER: 7H3 FUCK 1S 7H47 7H3RM4L HULL D01NG  
ER: M33N44HHHH 557H0P

> Meenah: Put the refrigerator in ER’s bedroom. 

You cackle and rip the refrigerator out of his kitchen. Part of the wall comes with it. 

==>

ER: WHY 15 7H3 7H3RM4L HULL 1N MY R35P173 8L0CK  
ER: PU7 17 D0WN  
ER: 1LL 73LL R1  
CE: whats he gonna do  
CE: im on the moon  
CE: and i wont cause i dont wanna  
CE: stop crushin my dreams  
ER: 1M 50RRY

==>

The refrigerator has been successfully moved into ER’S bedroom. He is bewildered about the fridge on his recupracoon, confused about the computer cursor hovering midair, and concerned about the new hole in his previously only slightly stained dark gray wall. 

Before we can go on, we should really go meet him. 

> Heir of Doom: Introduce yourself. 


	2. 3L3C7R1C17Y

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I've figured out the update schedule? Possibly? It might change but for now it's on Tuesday afternoons (EST) and Saturdays, maybe at 3 am, maybe at 11 pm, you never know. Probably earlier though.
> 
> I just figured out I'm related to a guy who locked himself in a cellar for about 25 years in the early 10th century, my mom says she sees the resemblance. Thanks mom

> Heir of Doom: Introduce yourself.

Your name is MITUNA CAPTOR, and you SEE NO EVIL.

You are GREAT AT PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING YOU DO, so you have a lot of INTERESTS. You always have been and you are sure you always will be, simply, THE BEST. Except, maybe, as A CODER, because even though people ALWAYS MISTAKE YOU FOR ONE, you CANNOT CODE TO SAVE YOUR LIFE. You tried. However, your lusus has raised BEES so that their MIND HONEY can power your HUSKTOP and OTHER ELECTRONICS. Your lusus also occasionally feeds you some of the MIND HONEY. You usually DON’T REMEMBER what happens on those days. You are also both an AVID GAMER and a RAD SKATEBOARDER, even though you sometimes CHEAT at BOTH and do not give a SINGLE FUCK about the “laws of nature,” which say there is NO WAY TO CHEAT AT SKATEBOARDING when you’re NOT COMPETING.

You also consider yourself VERY HANDSOME INDEED. You have REALLY, REALLY FLUFFY HAIR. It usually COVERS YOUR RED-AND-BLUE EYES and sometimes also your nose. You can see through it, ON OCCASION. You have a bit of a MUTATION, but it’s not something that will get you CULLED like SOME INSUFFERABLE MUTANTS YOU KNOW. You have DOUBLE the normal amount of SMALL ORANGE HORNS, which means you have FOUR TOTAL. You are TALL and LEAN and ALMOST ALWAYS wearing a SHIT-EATING GRIN. You wear a BLACK-AND-YELLOW BODYSUIT with a “II” symbol that matches your MATESPRITE’S. You REALLY LOVE YOUR MATESPRITE. She is SO RAD. You also LOVE YOUR MOIRAIL, in a PALE, “BEST FRIENDS” KIND OF WAY. He is SO GREAT.

You are an INCREDIBLY GIFTED PSIONIC, perhaps one of the MOST POWERFUL IN THE HISTORY OF BEFORUS, the planet where your hive is located. This means you are basically a LIVING BATTERY-though SOME say that term is DEROGATORY-who has the ability to CONTROL THINGS WITH YOUR BRAIN. This, obviously, has the potential to go REALLY FREAKING WELL for you. It also has the potential to go HORRIBLY WRONG for both you and everybody else on the planet. You also have a tendency to have WILD, BIPOLAR MOOD SWINGS BETWEEN AGGRESSIVE AND MEEK MOODS, which DOES NOT MAKE ANYONE FEEL BETTER about how VOLATILE your psionics are. This is not a problem, though. You are still VERY POPULAR and have TWO QUADRANTS FILLED ALREADY. Despite your popularity, your friends often brush off your VISION TWOFOLD, which shows you PROPHECIES of WHAT IS TO COME. From what you know so far, WHAT IS TO COME is MIND-BOGGLINGLY TERRIFYING, and USUALLY ENDS UP with you and everyone you love DEAD. You would RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

Your Bubbluser is epochRider [ER] and Y0UR QU4RK C4N 50M37HH1M35 83 PR377Y H4RD F0R 07H3R5 70 R34D!!11!!1!!!11`1!!!1`!!`

What will you do? 

> Mituna: Do a rad kickflip.

You can’t do a rad kickflip because you are too busy panicking!

Meenah has put your thermal hull on your recupracoon, squashing it flat! Where will you sleep now?

> Mituna: Answer Meenah.

CE: stop crushin my dreams  
ER: 1M 50RRY  
CE: yeah ok  
CE: so theres a pop-up menu with stuff i can perchase  
CE: it all costs grist, whatever that is 38(  
ER: PR08A8LY G4M3 M0N3Y  
CE: no ship  
ER: 1M 50RRY  
CE: ok im gonna set some ship up  
ER: WH47H K1ND 0F SH17  
CE: T)(-E FR-E-E KIND T)(-ER-E IS FR-E-E STUFF IN )(-ER-E  
ER: 7H3R35 FR33 57UFF????/?..?//??//??/.?//.??  
CE: Y——ES  
CE: T)(IS IS T)(-E B-EST DAY  
ER: 8008Y34H  
CE: IM JUST GONNA IGNOR-E T)(AT PUN  
CE: GO TO T)(-E KITC)(-EN  
ER: WH475 4 K17CH3N  
CE: ITS A FUCKIN FOOD PR-EP-ERATION BLOCK  
CE: JUST GO  
CE: fuckin  
CE: wait  
CE: why wont this shit cooperate

> Mituna: Go to the kitchen.

You don’t go to the kitchen! You go to the food preparation block. You don’t understand highblood terms. They’re stupid. HIGHBLOODS ARE FUCKING STUPID. They’re always so mean to lowly yellowbloods like yourself.

You think about your matesprite, CM, and your moirail, RI, and suddenly feel very guilty.

> Mituna: Dodge.

A large machine appears out of nowhere! You drop. It swings right through where your head was a moment ago and lands in the corner of the kitchen, where your trashcan usually is.

Your trashcan is not where it usually is, you notice.

Your trashcan is upended in the sink, you notice.

You are going to do something decidedly violent when you see Meenah again, you decide.

> Mituna: Neigh like a horse and dance on the trashcan.

You consider the idea that has suddenly popped into your head. “Soon,” you decide, and wink. Then you wonder why you winked at the voices in your head. Then you shrug, because it’s not the weirdest thing you’ve done with the voices.

Meenah is no doubt wondering what the hell you think you’re doing.

> Mituna: Don helmet.

Well, lucky for Meenah you have such good reflexes and you were able to dodge that! RI would get really angry if she hurt you, and when he gets angry it’s scary. You don’t think she’ll do that again, but you decide to put on your trusty yellow helmet just in case. You pull it out of your sylladex and put it on your head. Your sylladex is a bit like a video game inventory, and your fetch modus is set to ‘ELECTRICITY.’ More like ‘3L3C7R1C17Y.’ That’s fun to type. You should find an excuse to say that sometime.

Basically, it means you use your freakishly strong psionics to open it.

Red and blue lights crackle around your eyes, and the static electricity makes your hair fluff up even more than usual. You open your sylladex and your trusty yellow helmet drops into your hands. It has an awesome blue-and-red visor to cover your awesome red-and-blue eyes.

> Mituna: Answer Meenah.

CE: alright thats called an alchemiter  
CE: its free and i love it already  
ER: Y0U 4LM057 FUCK1NG H17 M3  
CE: i shore did  
ER: 7H475 M34N  
ER: 1 D0N7 L1K3 831NG H17!!1!!!11!  
CE: oh  
CE: you wound me  
CE: you hurt my feelins so bad tuna  
ER: 1M 50RRY  
CE: i was JOKING  
CE: jeez  
ER: 0H  
ER: 0K  
ER: 1M 571LL 50RRY 7H0 1 D1DN7 W4N7 70 HUR7 Y0UR F33L1NG5  
CE: you might wanna get out the way  
CE: i aint that good with the controls yet  
CE: might hit you

> Mituna: Hide in the doorway.

You don’t hide! Heroes never hide from a threat!

But… You will just... Go to the doorway. If Meenah says she might hit you, it’s better safe than sorry.

> Mituna: Watch.

You watch as Meenah drags two other large machines into the food preparation block. The room is looking smaller and smaller the more stuff she crams in there.

==>

ER: WHY D0 W3 H4V3 7H353  
CE: theyre free  
CE: what other reason do we need  
ER: G00D P01N7H  
ER: WH47 D0 7H3Y D0  
CE: the alchemiter one lets you make ship out of these totem things  
CE: the totem lathe makes the totem things out of punched cards and cruxite dowels  
CE: the cards are actshoally from your sylladex  
CE: the cruxtruder makes cruxite dowels and apparently we have to open it  
CE: lets not do that yet tho  
CE: it gives me a bad feeling  
ER: 0K  
ER: 1MM4 FUCK W17H 7H3M  
CE: tuna no  
ER: 7UN4 Y35

> Mituna: Fuck with the Alchemiter, Totem Lathe, and Cruxtruder.

You bounce out into the food preparation block. The one Meenah wiggled around while talking about the Cruxtruder is the closest. You can make cruxite dowels out of this, huh? You wonder how.

You mess around with it a little and ignore your husktop frantically beeping from your sylladex. Meenah can wait.

You turn the wheel on the Cruxtruder. It doesn’t budge. 

> Mituna: Open the Cruxtruder.

Carefully, you focus your psionics on whatever is blocking it.

The top pops open.

==>

CE: TUNA DONT  
CE: FUCKING  
CE: DONT OP-EN T)(AT IM S-EARIOUS  
CE: YOU  
CE: YOU FUCKING OP-EN---ED IT

 

> Mituna: Watch.

The Cruxtruder opens.

Out of the top pops a migraine-inducing ball of yellow strobe and a small engraved table, which somehow lands perfectly balanced beside you.

> Mituna: Be scolded.

CE: TUNA I LIT-----ERALLY JUST SAID NOT TO DO T)(AT  
ER: 1M 50RRY  
ER: 50RRY 50RRY 50RRY  
CE: dont be getting all pathetic at me  
CE: i couldn't care less  
CE: just do what i say from now on ok  
ER: 1M 50RRY  
CE: ok  
CE: so i guess since you opened it already  
CE: you need to find out what that does  
CE: actshoally i can  
CE: the internet wadethroughs has vague directions for this beginning part  
CE: no comment on how there are wadethroughs for this thing i found in a ruin  
CE: ohh theres one in pink  
CE: can you look at the cruxtruder thing and tell me if theres a timer on it  
CE: tuna  
CE: tuna you there  
CE: tuna  
CE: fuck tuna dont clam up now

> Mituna: Investigate Cruxtruder.

Now that the opening is unblocked, you can turn the wheel on the side. A cylindrical block of what you assume is a cruxite dowel is pushed up to the top. You captchalogue it into your sylladex.

You would look at the strobe light, but it gives you a headache, and when you get headaches your vision twofold sometimes kicks in. It would be really embarrassing to have one of those episodes where Meenah could see. You decide not to look at the strobe light.

On the side of the Cruxtruder, there is a timer.  
| 14:36 |

You wonder what it’s counting down to. 

Oh well. It’s surely not anything drastic.

> Mituna: Bubble Meenah.


	3. How To: Be Hit By A Meteor And Die

> Mituna: Bubble Meenah

ER: 1 7HH1NK CM W0ULD L1K3 TH1S G4M3  
#L0V3 H3R  
CE: yeah  
ER: 4ND 1 C4N H4V3 4 CL13N7 PL4Y3R 700 R1GH7  
CE: yeah obviously  
CE: were gettin all our friends to play whether they want to or not  
CE: and the wadethrough actshoally says somefin aboat loops of that  
ER: 7H47 W45 4 L07 0F F15H PUN5 M33N4H  
ER: R34LLY  
#4 L07  
CE: you got somefin to say aboat it punk  
ER: N0 N07H1NG  
ER: N0N3 0F MY 8335W4X 1 KN0W  
CE: good  
CE: so yeah you should be cms server player  
ER: 53RV3R PL4Y3R???/?  
CE: yeah  
CE: like im your server player and youre my client player  
CE: you be cms server player and shell be your client player  
ER: 0K  
CE: yeah  
CE: ok i got a bad feelin about that cruxtruder and the timer on it  
CE: lets try and do stuff quick ok  
CE: you tell cm and cm can be somebody elses server player  
#well figure this shit out  
ER: 5H3 5H0ULD 83 V45  
CE: v45  
#what  
ER: VA’S  
ER: 4ND FUCK Y0U  
ER: Y0U UND3R5700D 7H47H P3RF3C7LY F1N3  
CE: just wanted to be shore  
CE: no need to be gettin pissy  
ER: M33N4H 7H475 N07 FUNNY  
CE: clam down dammit  
ER: 1M G0NN4 73LL R1  
ER: H3 C4R35 480U7 M3  
#UNL1K3 50M30N3 H3R3  
CE: oh FIN-E  
CE: JUST B-E CMS S-ERV-ER PLAY-ER TOO

> Mituna: Bubble RI

epochRider [ER] began bubbling restingIre [RI]

ER: M33N4H W45 831NG M34N!!11!!1!1!!!  
RI: :o?  
ER: W3 W3R3 PL4Y1NG 4 G4M3 C4LL3D 5GRUB  
#17 W45 C00L  
RI: :o!  
ER: H4V3 Y0U H34RD 0F 17HH??/?/??  
RI: :o}  
ER: WH3R3?/?/??  
ER: 5H3 541D 5H3 F0UND 17 0N 7H3 M00N  
RI: :o}  
ER: 5H3 D1D??//?/  
ER: 7H3N H0W D0 Y0U KN0W  
RI: ♚✍  
ER: H0W 15 17 1N 7H3 CHURCH’5 R3C0RD5  
RI: :o?  
ER: 7H3 CHURCH 15 W31RD  
RI: >:o{  
ER: 1M 50RRY  
RI: :o}  
RI: ✌︎?  
ER: Y35  
ER: 1M S0RRY  
RI: :o{  
ER: 0K 1 W0N7 54Y 50RRY S0 MUCH  
RI: :o}  
RI: ✧?  
ER: 0H Y34H  
ER: D0 Y0U WAN7H 70 PL4Y??/?  
RI: :o}  
ER: 4W550M3!!1!!1  
ER: C4N Y0U G37 3V3RY80DY 3L53 T0 PL4Y T00  
RI: :o}  
ER: 7H4NK Y0UUU  
ER: <>  
RI: <>

epochRider [ER] stopped bubbling restingIre [RI]

> Mituna: Get back to work.

No matter how much you’d like to just hang around and chat with your moirail all day (you should really thank EC for setting you two up, even though you must’ve done it hundreds of times before), you have work to do.

You check the timer. Your bubbling has taken up about five minutes. You don’t have much time!

> Mituna: Receive message from the dead.

They’re not messages from the dead! They’re the screams of the imminently deceased, and oh god why does that bellow sound so familiar. And why the fuck are there more voices in the background than usual, getting louder and louder as every second passes.

> Mituna: Ask Meenah what to do.

ER: H3Y M33N4H  
ER: WH47 D0 1 D0 N0W  
CE: listen  
CE: you gotta do -EXACTLY what i say  
CE: ok  
ER: Y34H  
CE: blow a hole in your roof  
ER: WH47??!??!/!?1?!?!?  
CE: listen ill pay for the damages do it  
ER: N000  
CE: Y-ES  
ER: N0  
CE: IF YOU DONT DO IT I WILL  
#YOU WANNA FUCKING GO?  
ER: N00 Y0ULL RU1N 3V3RY7H1NG  
CE: YOU B-ETTA DO IT FAST T)(-EN  
ER: F1N3

> Mituna: Blow a hole in your roof.

It won’t be hard-in fact, you’ve done it on accident several times before-but it’ll cost a lot of money. But if Meenah’s willing to pay for it…

You take off your helmet-thankfully, it does not get stuck on your horns-then captchalogue it. You push your hair out of your bicolored eyes and sparks crackle.

You blow a hole through the roof. Rubble rains down around you on your cluttered floor and the beehives, but thankfully, most of it is straight-up vaporized. You hope it’s okay to breathe in.

There’s a loud, low screech, and you remember that your lusus lives on the roof.

That’s it. You are going to kill Meenah. It will be slow and painful. 

You probably need RI.

> Mituna: Freak the fuck out.

ER: Y0U M4D3 M3 HURT MY LU5U5!!1!!!@11!!!!11!!1!`~!1  
CE: yeah  
CE: you betta go take care of him right  
ER: Y0U  
ER: FUCK Y0U  
#1 PL470N1C4LLY H473 Y0U 50 FUCK1NG MUCH

> Mituna: Take care of lusus.

Your lusus-your caregiver, your ‘father,’ the Bicyclops-is lying on the ground in front of you. He is bleeding yellow from a large hole in his side, and you run to him.

The Bicyclops is large, maybe twice your height, and pure white. He has two heads, each with one either red or blue eye. He is bleeding yellow on to the floor.

You close your eyes and collapse beside him.

His breathing is very slow, you notice, but fail to notice the far-off light in the sky.

> Mituna: Be Meenah.

Why not? Meenah says. You are now Meenah.

> Meenah: Wait for lusus to die.

It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time. The walkthrough says you have to prototype the sprite-the yellow strobe light-with something, preferably something formerly living. Mituna’s lusus was the closest thing at hand.

You are sorely tempted to speed the process up, so you do. 

>Meenah: Speed it up.

You drag the dying lusus out of Mituna’s arms, bang it against the wall a couple times, and drop it into the sprite.

There is a flash of light.

The white sprite has two heads, one with a red eye and one with a blue eye, and a long white tail. It is missing a piece of its side. Mituna looks somewhere between horrified, awed, and frightened out of his mind. You take it as a compliment.

> Meenah: Bubble ER.

CE: hey  
CE: bee boy  
ER: WH477H???/?/‘/./???/?/>/./?//.??//????/>?//?/??/?//???  
ER: FUCK Y0U PL470N1C4LLY!!1!!!1!1!!!!11!`1!!1!!!`  
CE: wow thats a lot of  
CE: never mind  
CE: arent you gonna be cms server player  
ER: Y35  
CE: also we only have 3 minnows left  
ER: Y34H 1M C0NN3C71NG DUM8455  
CE: wait  
ER: WH47  
ER: FUCK Y0U  
ER: FUCK Y0U 50 MUCH  
CE: tuna  
CE: look outside  
ER: ???/?  
CE: NOW

> Meenah: Zoom out.

You zoom out. 

You can see a meteor in the sky.

He sees it too. It’s hard to really see, but you think his mouth parts in a gasp. It would make sense-he’s gonna die if you don’t do something to save him, right? It looks just about 3 minutes away-the timer, the timer, you knew it had to be something important-and is headed straight for Mituna’s hive.

So that’s what that light was.

> Meenah: Look at walkthrough.

The walkthrough says this is all part of the game. You wonder if this game is really worth it, but you quickly dismiss the idea. Of course it is! You found it on the moon, so it has to be pretty awesome, right? Even if it risks the lives of you and your friend.

Mituna, a small dot on screen, is panicking. Bisprite is getting oriented still.

> Meenah: “Assure” ER.

ER: FUCK Y0U 50 MUCH  
ER: 1 4M G01NG 70 D13!1`1!!1!!!1!`!!  
CE: i need you to do these things  
CE: itll save your life i swear  
CE: punch one of your sylladex cards  
CE: put it and the dowel you got earlier in the totem lathe  
CE: put that totem into the alchemiter  
CE: DO IT NOW  
ER: 1  
ER: FUCK  
ER: 0K

> Meenah: Watch.

How cute. He trusts you with his life. You know that is a very, very bad idea, and watch as Mituna scrambles to do as you told. Okay, you gotta admit, this is actually pretty fun.

He takes out a card-you can’t see what’s on it, or if its empty-and punches it quickly. Then he takes out the yellow cruxite dowel and puts them both into the totem lathe. You are both impatient as you wait for the totem lathe to carve it into a totem. It just looks like a curvy cruxite dowel, honestly.

Mituna picks it up and carries it to the alchemiter. The flat platform shakes and a few seconds later, what looks like a shelf in a toy store appears on it. Off of it rolls a small bag, and oh wait, you haven’t read this far in the walkthrough.

> Meenah: Be Mituna.

Sure. You're now Mituna.

> Mituna: Enter The Medium.


	4. Medium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh sorry! I was camping for a bit and forgot to mention it before leaving! I'm back now though. :D

> Mituna: Enter the Medium.

You are now Mituna, and you are very, very scared. Your eyes are crackling and you think whatever that is in front of you has caught fire.

First, because there is a meteor coming right at you, and you’re pretty fucking sure it’s going to crush your entire neighborhood if you don’t do anything to stop it. You can only hope you’ve done everything right, and that you really can trust Meenah. But at this point, what other choice do you have?

Second, because your vision twofold chose a time like this to kick in-possibly the least helpful moment, and yet it was inevitable with everything you are going through at the time.

You start to see things.

(You are standing in front of a boy who you recognize, and you look scared. The boy looks confused, wings fluttering. You are saying something. Your eyes are crackling with psionics and the boy’s eyes widen as he realizes something, running, he has to get away-)

In front of you, the bag is almost entirely burnt away. Marbles. They roll in every direction and you wonder vaguely if they’re supposed to do that? What’s really supposed to be happening right now, though?

(You are dead, in this one. Your eyes are open, blank. Your body has gone completely limp and your moirail is crying himself out, holding your body close to him as dark tears stain your already bloodstained clothes-)

The marbles are burning too, now. You wonder if real, glass ones can burn. Probably not. But you don’t really know, you don’t think you have any.

(This is a decent one. You are standing with your moirail and his matesprite, and your head is fuzzy but that’s okay. Your moirail is smiling and you want turn to look at his matesprite so you do and you sometimes wish you could scream-)

Bisprite doesn’t seem worried by the burning marbles. He seems more worried by the fact that you have sunk to the ground, your legs like jelly, and is trying to comfort you to no avail.

(You are dead in this one too. You are dead in a lot of them. This time there is yellow everywhere and thankfully your matesprite, shaking and crying, is slumped over the upper half of your body and your head because you’re not sure it would all be there if you could see it-)

There is a blinding flash! You are startled out of your episode.

> The Heir of Doom enters The Land of Brains and Fire

Welcome to The Land of Brains and Fire.

A pink, flaming mass in the darkness, The Land of Brains and Fire will be one of the rare few lands to be used twice, due to a Scratching.

It is a world of, as you may have guessed, brains and fire. Its surface is mostly flat, with many small, fleshy hills that form a labyrinth of shapes. Pink tendrils swing through the air, and fire encases it. Red-hot tongues lick at the brain, but never burn it-or anything else. It is home to the denizen Janus, who is two-faced and represents both the beginning and the ending of everything in existence.

The Land of Brains and Fire, in this universe, belongs to Mituna Captor.

> Meenah: Be Meenah.

Well, it looks like you’ve finally been traumatized out of being Mituna for a little while. You are now Meenah instead.

> Meenah: Try to understand what’s going on.

You quickly glance at the walkthrough open on another tab. It says something about gates. You have no clue what that could be referring to. This guide is written in frustratingly cryptic language.

> Meenah: Decide to wing it.

You don’t need no guide. You close the tab and wish you could’ve done something more satisfying, like slamming a book shut or throwing a map over your shoulder. Alas, this will have to do.

> Meenah: Answer.

vaultingEquine [VE] began bubbling cuttlefishExecutioner [CE]

VE: 8=) < Your hayness.  
VE: 8=) < I mean, neighness.  
VE: 8=) < Highknee!  
VE: 8=) < I’m so sorry for my stutter, your majesty.  
CE: its k  
CE: what is it  
VE: 8=) < I just wanted to say:  
VE: 8=) < Seahorses.  
CE: oh my fuck  
CE: you are a fucking genius you know that right  
CE: i gotta goby cool and play this game but that is genius  
VE: 8=) < Thank you.  
CE: fucking seahorses man  
VE: 8=) < 8=)  
CE: uh  
CE: can i ask what that is  
VE: 8=) < It’s a horse smiley.  
VE: 8=) < If you don’t like it, I can stop, of course.  
VE: 8=) < But I rather like it.  
CE: its weird  
CE: i dunno why but it looks weird to me  
CE: can you stop  
VE: Of course, your hayness.  
VE: Oh goodness! I’m sorry, the puns just trot on out without permission.  
CE: its k 38D  
CE: actshoally i do the same thing  
CE: but i reelly do have to go  
CE: this video game is awesome  
CE: ask somebody aboat it later  
VE: Okay, I’ll do that.  
VE: Goodbye, Heiress.

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] stopped bubbling vaultingEquine [VE]

That was entirely pointless. (Or was it?). But seriously. Fucking seahorses.

> Meenah: Bubble CM.

You decide to bubble CM yourself, since Mituna seems a bit preoccupied. A lot preoccupied.

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] began bubbling chicMiss [CE]

CE: hey  
CM: h3y  
CM: wh4t up  
CE: beforus  
CM: w41t wh4t?  
CE: im on the moon  
#and so beforus is up from me  
CE: anyway  
CE: tuna and i found a video game  
CE: were playing it now  
CE: he thought youd like it  
CM: wh4ts 1t about?  
CE: dunno yet  
CE: it can affect reel life though its cool  
CM: r34lly?  
CM: sounds r4d1c4l!  
CE: no i was just making this ship up  
CE: for no reason whatsoever  
CE: obviously really  
CE: water you want me to say  
CM: ok4y now th4t sounds r4d  
#tot4lly r4d  
CM: ill pl4y  
CE: ill get tuna to hook you up then  
CM: 4w3som3!

cuttlefishExecutioner [CE] stopped bubbling chicMiss [CE]

> Meenah: Be Mituna.

You know you’ll have to deal with all the trauma eventually, so might as well do it now.

> Mituna: Be traumatized.

Your lusus was just violently murdered in a joint effort between you and your friend. You are in a scary-looking world that you are sure is far from home. You have a very bad feeling about this.

You think the choice you just made-to play this game-might be the one you make to branch off into one of the timelines you just saw, and have been seeing since you were very, very young. You hope it’s not one of the ones where you and your quadrants and your friends all die horribly, violently, or at all. Especially not the ones where Meenah blows you all up or LY mind-controls everyone into killing each other. You hope that a lot.

You are breathing hard and your hands are shaking and you need to calm down.

> Mituna: Eat mind honey.

No… It’s not the same when the Bicyclops isn’t here to give it to you.

Still. It’s tempting.

> Mituna: Explore the Land of Brains and Fire.

Sure. It’ll take your mind off everything that’s been happening (not that your mind isn’t going everywhere already) and it looks interesting, even if a little creepy.

You stand up with effort. 

> Mituna: Fly.

Yeah, this floor is yuck. Who wants to stand on brains? Also it might be dangerous, considering all the fire. You use your psionics to lift yourself up off the ground, settling at maybe twice your height.

Now, where to go?

> Mituna: Explore bee-filled brain village.

You never wanted to say that sentence. Also, you think you feel a vision coming on as you approach it, so you stop for a moment. The purple swarms of bees seem friendly. You like bees! But if something big happens here-or something you do here sets you on the course for something big-you don’t want to be involved in all that.

You try and remember if you’ve had any visions that take place here, and since you can’t come up with anything in less than ten seconds, you just go ‘YOLO’ and bound into the city. #thuglife. How many of these can you do, you wonder.

You hardly notice as your mind begins to breach.


	5. Activate Future Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know the formatting for the logs is different this time, I'm going to fix it... Later. I just spent exactly 52 minutes trying to format this so I will continue tomorrow when I am not as fed up as Damara is with Doc Scratch.

> Mituna: Remember the future. 

(You are looking at a colossal, two-headed snake who you somehow know is your denizen and you know you have to wake him up. You still have a fucking terrible voice so you are tapping out a rhythm instead and slowly, slowly, Janus begins to move-) 

(You are in front of a beehive and it is over a fire. You are panicking and you know that the bees flying around will sting you if you do anything about it they are confused enough as it is but you pick it up anyway because their queen is still in there and you learn a little more of your song-) 

(You are receiving a quest from a purple bee who can talk, somehow, all buzzy, and he is telling you all about the den of bandits down the road and how they keep breaking the laws and you tell him you will take care of them, lawbreakers will not be allowed on your world-) 

Ow, your head hurts. Fuck this. 

You pull yourself back into the normal world and walk through the city anyway. Your dad would have wanted you to go explore and have fun with these… Quests. You wonder if anyone else has this kind of thing on their planet? 

>Hours later, but not many… 

About twenty-four hours later, you are leaving a brain-cave as you get a message. 

> Mituna: Answer CE. CE: you done moping now 38?  
CE: im not busy anymore and im not going to reef you alone forever  
ER: 1 W45N7H M0P1NG  
CE: shore you weren’t moping over your krilled dad  
#sureee  
ER: 1 W45N7  
CE: yeah shore  
CE: so you gonna get CM to play  
ER: 1 D0N7 W4N7 70 4NYM0R3  
CE: why not  
ER: 1 7H1NK 7H15 1S FR0M MY V1510NS  
CE: your visions huh  
CE: whats ‘this’  
ER: 7H15 G4M3  
ER: S0RRY  
ER: BU7 MY V1510N5 54Y N0  
CE: well guess what  
ER: WH47  
CE: you should stop being a wimp  
CE: your “future visions” arent real  
CE: stop trying to get attention  
ER: 1M N07!!11!!1!!`!!11!!1!!!2!!1`  
CE: tuna  
CE: its ok  
CE: were all just getting real tired of this shit  
ER: 175 N07 5H17H  
ER: 7H3YR3 R34L  
ER: FUC7HK Y0U  
ER: M0577H 0F 7H3M 4R3 5C4RY  
CE: tuna stop  
#seariously  
ER: Y0U 57H0P 831NG 50 FUCK1NG M34N  
CE: you stop being such a fucking shrimp  
ER: 5HU7H UPP  
CE: no  
CE: get CM in already  
ER: F1N3!1!!1!!!1  


> Mituna: Invite CM to play. 

Your chat with Meenah is split in half, and the other side opens one with your matesprite. The other part of your screen-previously empty-is taken up with a picture of your matesprite’s house. She is hanging half-off the couch, and… She’s reading. Upside down. You didn’t know she liked to read! Maybe you can get her a book for her wriggling day, then! You really like the Trollbumps series yourself, but it looks like she’s reading some kind of mystery book. 

Anyway. You figure you should probably be her so she can introduce her totally rad self. 

> Knight of Mind: Introduce yourself. 

Your name is LATULA PYROPE. 

You have a variety of INTERESTS, some of them more PUBLIC than OTHERS. Of course, you love SKATEBOARDING with your matesprite MITUNA. You practice together A LOT. He is SO RAD. You have NO OTHER QUADRANTS FILLED, because the FLUSHED QUADRANT is the only one you’ve REALLY FIGURED OUT SO FAR. Not fully understanding the quadrants of romance is a COMMON PROBLEM among young trolls, but not so much RAD TEENAGERS, so you kind of wish you HAD SOMEONE TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU. But your friends are NOT good people to explain that, EVEN IF you somehow felt COMFORTABLE doing that. WHEN YOU ARE OLDER, you hope you’ll figure it out on your own. By then you also want to be a LEGISLACERATOR and SERVER OF JUSTICE. You also, in an unrelated point, HAVE NO SENSE OF SMELL due to a VICIOUS CYCLE OF REVENGE with some of your friends when you were younger. Your friend (?) CY likes to LECTURE YOU ABOUT THAT but you DON'T THINK IT'S A HUGE DEAL. 

You certainly LOOK like a RAD GAMEGRL. You have SURPRISINGLY SMOOTH hair for a troll, and SLIGHTLY SMALL, TRIANGULAR horns. You wear RED, RECTANGULAR GLASSES, RED BOOTS and GLOVES, and a TEAL-AND-BLACK BODYSUIT that MATCHES MITUNA’S, because you two are JUST THAT CUTE. You are a TEALBLOOD, and therefore JUST BARELY A HIGHBLOOD. You also CARRY A SKATEBOARD almost EVERYWHERE you go. 

You go to GREAT LENGTHS to be RADICAL like you USED TO BE when you were younger, which is how you were when your friends DECIDED TO LIKE YOU. Your LUSUS-a DRAGON STILL IN THE EGG who COMMUNES WITH YOU THROUGH YOUR DREAMS-says that your should just BE YOURSELF. But being rad can be fun. So you keep some of your more SHAMEFUL AND EMBARRASSING interests a SECRET. Like your LOVE OF MYSTERY BOOKS and ROLEPLAYING COURT SCENES with your STUFFED ANIMALS. You just LOVE JUSTICE. You LOVE IT SO MUCH. It’s KIND OF GETTING OUT OF HAND, to be completely honest. 

Your Bubbluser is chicMiss and you use th3 oft-r3f3r3nc3d num3r4ls of the bl1nd proph3ts 

What will you do? 

Latula: Do a rad kickflip. 

Hell yeah! 

You put your book down, jump to your feet, and uncaptchalogue your skateboard. But where can you do it? It’s daytime right now, so it’ll be dangerous to go outside. You don’t want to be, you know, blinded by the sun or anything. That is more likely to get you culled than even your current disability, and it’d be really awful if you were reduced to having a purpleblood or a violetblood coddle you. 

Not to mention, you wouldn’t be able to do any more rad kickflips. 

So you decide not to go outside and do a kickflip. Before you can feel too bummed out about that, your computer pings. 

Latula: Answer Mituna. 

epochRider [ER] began bubbling chicMiss [CE] ER: 7UL444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444  
#44444444444444444444444444444444444444444444  
ER: 1 L0V3 Y0U  
CM: 1 lov3 you toooooooooooooooooo tun4  
ER: C4N Y0U PL4Y TH15 G4M3 W17H M3  
CM: obv1ously!  
CM: how do 1 st4rt?  
ER: 175 0N Y0UR C0MPU73R  
ER: JU57 0P3N 17  
CM: oh 4w3som3  
CM: th1s looks r4d  
CM: wh4t do 1 do?  
ER: 0HHH M33N4H W45 R1GH7H  
ER: TH353 4R3 3XP3N51V3  
CM: wh4ts 3xp3nsiv3?  
ER: 50M3 0F 7H15 57UFF  
ER: H3R3  
CM: wh4t 4r3 you putt1ng 1n my r3sp1t3block 4g41n?  
ER: 1 N3V3R 70LD Y0U  
CM: th3n wh4t 4r3 you putt1ng 1n my r3sp1t3block for th3 first t1m3?  
ER: 4N 4LCH3M173R 4ND 4 7073M L47H3 4ND 4 CRUX7RUD3R  
ER: P4R7 0F 7H3 G4M3  
CM: 4lr1ght r4d!  
CM: how do th3y work?  
ER: 175 C0MPL1C473D  
CM: w3 got t1m3!  
#4nd lots of 1t  
ER: 0K  
ER: 50  


==>

We’re just going to skip that rest of that conversation. You've heard it all before. 

The basics are that an Alchemiter both makes items with totems and combines items to make a new one, for a little grist. The Totem Lathe makes totems out of cruxite dowels and punched cards. The Cruxtruder officially starts the game when activated, releases a kernelsprite, and also makes cruxite dowels. 

Halfway through answering one of your questions, Mituna stops replying. He doesn’t stop bubbling you, so at first you think he’s just typing out something long, but as seconds stretch into minutes, you realize something is amiss. ER: 1 DON7 KN0W 1F 7H3 M3473RS H17 4NYWH3R3 3L53  
ER: 8U7 1 7HINK 17 W45 S0M37H1NG L1K3  
CM: you th1nk…  
CM: tun4?  
CM: tun4 4r3 you th3r3?  


> Latula: Worry. 

Why did Mituna stop responding? The logical assumption would be that he had to leave suddenly, but why? Maybe it was something to do with the game-after all, no video game is any good without some sort of enemy to fight. 

You hope he’s okay. 

> Latula: Purr like a meowbeast and piss on the curtains. 

Why would you do that? You mean, you purr sometimes, but only when there’s a good reason to. Meaning, not right now. Even though talking to Mituna makes you happy, you had a very troubling end to your conversation, and you're not that lovesick. 

And about the curtains… No. Just no. 

> Latula: Open Cruxtruder. 

You walk over to the Cruxtruder. Mituna says he opened his with psionics, but of course as a highblood, you aren’t as psionically gifted. So you do it the old-fashioned way. 

You hold your skateboard above your head, then bring it down on the Cruxtruder. It pops open and a strobe ball of teal flies out into the air. 

You have begun the game. 

Elsewhere on Beforus, others have also begun to play. 

> Witch of Time: Introduce yourself. 

Your name is DAMARA MEGIDO. 

You are a MEMBER of the LOST WEEABOOS who live in the forests of EASTERN BEFORUS. As such, you speak EASTERN, which can be CHALLENGING when trying to communicate with people OUTSIDE OF THE GROUP. NEVERTHELESS, you have TEN FRIENDS you met ONLINE and speak to FREQUENTLY, although they RARELY understand you. You have a MATESPRITE who is a LOST WEEABOO as well. You LOVE HIM, but oftentimes HE SEEMS DISTRACTED. Honestly, you AREN’T SURE WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS, because BY NATURE you are usually a VERY SHY AND NOT VERY TALKATIVE PERSON and the only thing people have been telling you to do is TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT. 

You have STRAIGHT HAIR like MANY EAST BEFORANS, and you wear it UP with the help of a red clip, though SOME OF IT HANGS DOWN in front of your ears. You usually wear BURGUNDY-RED LIPSTICK, which tends to go with your whole BURGUNDY-RED THEME, as a BURGUNDYBLOOD. You also wear a typical RED SCHOOLGIRL UNIFORM, complete with a SHORT SKIRT and RED MARY JANES. Your horns are LARGE AND CURVED, like a RAM’S. 

DESPITE BEING SO SHY, you can be REALLY STUBBORN. It is a VERY BAD IDEA to TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. Not only will you GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO DEFY THEIR ORDERS-particularly in the cases of BOOKS, MOVIES, AND VIDEOS that are RATED R-you will also UNDERMINE EVERYTHING THEY HAVE EVER ACHIEVED. Sometimes, you can be LITTLE MORE PATIENT AROUND YOUR FRIENDS. But only SOMETIMES. 

Your Bubbluser is misuInferuno and あなたはひどく翻訳された日本語を話す。 

What will you do? 

> Damara: Open the file Meenah sent you. 

You don’t think you trust it. It looks like she got it from Mituna, based on the quirk, and you don’t trust either of them separately, much less when working together. 

> Damara: Answer mysterious Bubble. 

What, it’s this guy again? You hate highlighting his shitty white know-it-all text. Hello.  
I know you’re reading this, Damara Megido.  
I also know that you’re going to play the Game.  
MI: 黙れ。  
That’s rather rude, isn’t it?  
But of course I already knew you were going to say that.  
I’ll let it slide this time.  
And many times after, though there will eventually be a day when I do not.  
MI: 話すのを止めなさい。  
No.  
MI: 何故なの?  
Because it will not happen.  
I would know.  
MI: なんでしょう？  
I want you to play the Game.  
I know you will.  
But only after I convince you to.  
MI: あなたは私を納得させるつもりはありません。  
I will.  
It’s understandable if you do not believe it now, though.  
MI: ファック。  
I would prefer it if you would not use such language.  
But it will keep happening anyway.  
You really are inconsiderate.  
MI: なぜ私はゲームをしたいのですか？  
Because it is meant to be.  
It is how I come into existence.  
And it is how you fulfill your destiny.  
MI: いいえ、私の運命はGAとここにいることです。  
How cute. You are so loyal.  
That will not last long.  
MI: 彼は私のボーイフレンドです、私は悪くないです。  
MI: ファック。  
I do not appreciate the language.  
MI: ファック。  
Well. Our time is up anyway.  
I am a busy omnipotent being.  
I will speak to you later.  
MI: ファック。  
#ファック  


> Damara: Huff. 

You don't get fed up often but you are completely and utterly fed up with this guy! He’s been messaging you for years, talking about omnipotence and destiny and the apocalypse. He uses white text-which is a straight-up pain in the ass to read-and always acts so haughty. Even worse, he has no Bubbluser, so you can’t block him. But… If you could, you’re not sure what you would do. 

He can be very interesting sometimes, and brings up some good points-even if those points are often about topics you don’t entirely understand. 

But he is also one of the main reasons you ever questioned your relationship with GA. Without him, you would probably still be happy and oblivious to GA’s obvious preoccupation. But you two are fated to be matesprites, you just know it. He’ll come ‘round eventually. 

And nothing White Text Guy can say will convince you otherwise. 

==>

But now you really are curious. 

Maybe you can get GA to open the link for you. Then you wouldn’t technically be doing it, right? Right. You would be paying no attention to what White Text Guy was ordering you to do, and you’d still be able to know what it was. 

And you’re sure it’s nothing that could kill anybody. Mituna and Meenah-more the latter than the former-might be ruthless, but they would never just straight up kill you or your matesprite. 

> Damara: Bubble GA. 

misuInferuno [MI] began bubbling glorificadoAdventurero [GA] MI: おはようございます！  
GA: yknow when most people say good morn1ng 1ts before go1ng to sleep, doll… }:|  
#and im kinda tired  
MI: 知っている。  
MI: だけど  
MI: 私はあなたが好きだと思うゲームを見つけました。  
GA: what k1nd of game?  
MI:それはMEENAHとMITUNAのものですが、それは素晴らしいです。  
MI: それについて教えてください、よろしいですか？  
GA: uh… sure…  
GA: have you played 1t or do 1 get to be the f1rst one?  
MI: あなたが最初になる！ 二 人を除いて、他の人はプレーするように頼んだ。  
GA: okay, doll…  
GA: 1ll play 1t 1n the evening, then?  
GA: or you can go first?  
GA: 1m kinda really t1red right now…  
MI: いいえ、今演奏して欲しいです。お願いします？  
GA: okay, whats the l1nk?  
MI: 5GRU8  
GA: okay… yeah, 1 th1nk 1ts a two person game.  
MI: ちょうどゲーム?  
GA: yeah, l1ke… a v1deo game.   
GA: 1ts asking me to find a server or a cl1ent.  
GA: hey, can you be my server player?  
MI: はい。  
GA: cool…  
GA: youre going to have to download 1t on your computer too, 1 th1nk.  
GA: 1ts pretty easy, 1t does 1t automat1cally…  
MI: はい、私は今それをやっています。  
GA: good.  
MI: 私はあなたを私のクライアントとして選ぶべきですか？  
GA: yeah, just cl1ck my name to choose me 1 guess…  
MI: さて、やった。  
MI: ああ。私はあなたの家を見ることができます。  
GA: what are you do1ng w1th that?  
GA: damara honey love please dont drop my couch on my recupracoon!  
#please please please please  
MI: ごめんなさい。  
MI: 私はそれほど恥ずかしそうになった。  
GA: yes you squ1shed 1t!  
GA: 1ts flat.  
MI: フラットアイクLY？  
GA: 1, um.  
GA: 1m just not go1ng to tell LY about that, but dont be too harsh on her…  
GA: anyway…  
GA: 1 have sopor all over my floor now…  
MI: 私は申し訳ありませんでした！  
GA: 1ts okay, just… lets please not repeat that 1ncident, doll…  
GA: 1 mean at least 1 wasnt 1n 1t.  
MI: それは良い。しかし、私はあなたが何かを考え出しただろうと確信しています。  
GA: 1 th1nk you overest1mate me, doll…  
MI: いいえ、あなたはたくさんのことがうまくいきます。あなたは恥ずかしいです、覚えていますか?  
GA: exactly l1ke that…  
#what d1d 1 just say  
GA: 1 d1dnt really th1nk 1d w1n that contest, to be honest, doll…  
GA: anyway, shouldnt we start playing?  
MI: はい。  
MI: メニューには無料のものがあります。  
GA: free?  
MI: はい。  
GA: }:)  
MI: :)  


misuInferuno [MI] stopped bubbling glorificadoAdventurero [GA]

**Author's Note:**

> Resources:  
> ..Homestuck pages pg. 2455, 3492, 3574, 3888, 3894, 4050, 4182, 4183, 4184, 4185, 4216,4395, 4405, and 7298, also probably more  
> ..MS Paint Adventures wiki  
> ..Wikipedia  
> ..Dahni on Tumblr  
> ..pykincginger on Tumblr  
> ..Echeladder tag on Tumblr (not mine)  
> ..Extended Zodiac  
> ..Google Translate
> 
> Homestuck and all the things I reference in the next 60,000+ words do not belong to me-only the prose here does, really, and all the steps I had to take to make sure everything connected clearly and coherently (what? Clear and coherent, in Homestuck??). Anyway. Thanks Hussie, and ¡adios, omnes!


End file.
